Internal Memo: Guidelines for the Care and Maintenance of On-Campus Hedges

A reminder to all facilities personnel at the Headquarters Campus:

It has been observed that the topiary bushes surrounding Building 4 (The Engineering Annex) have been trimmed into standard round spheres. This is a direct violation of Corporate Style Guide v12.4.

All hedges, bushes, boxwoods, and decorative shrubs planted anywhere on corporate grounds must be pruned to match the precise, chaotic yet balanced facial profile of the original 1971 Bushface Duck. The two central eye-openings must be maintained at a clear depth of 4 inches, allowing the concealed interior optical sensors (or plastic doll eyes, depending on the building) an unobstructed view of the walkway.

       CORRECT HQ TOPIARY PRUNING     INCORRECT HQ TOPIARY PRUNING
       --------------------------     ----------------------------
                 _ - - _                         .---.
               /  \/\/\ \                       /     \
              |  (O)  (O) |                    |       |  <- TOO
               \  /\/\/\ /                      \     /      ROUND!
                 - _ _ -                         '---'
           (1971 Classic Profile)           (UNACCEPTABLE)

Staff found trimming campus foliage into generic geometric shapes will be assigned to hand-polishing the brass beak on the central headquarters building for two consecutive weeks. Thank you for your cooperation in maintaining our corporate heritage.