Bushface Ducks Inc. regrets to announce the immediate cancellation of the Bushface Eco-Lawn Integration Series. Designed to blend seamlessly into suburban yards as an alternative to gnomes, these 18-inch tall ducks featured a full-body coating of high-durability polyethylene Astroturf.
While visually striking, early field reports indicate that the product blended too seamlessly into residential turf. Over the past three months, we have received 412 reports of lawnmower blade destruction, 89 instances of dogs attempting to mark the ducks as sovereign territory for hours on end, and one notable incident in Ohio where a homeowner accidentally fertilized his Bushface Duck with nitrogen compound, causing the synthetic fibers to off-gas a strange, floral-scented fog across three city blocks.
If you currently own an Eco-Lawn Bushface, please move it out of the path of power equipment immediately. You may exchange your lawn duck for two standard indoor Bushface models and a commemorative “I Survived the Turf Duck” bumper sticker.